I left my dream job (again).

Hey there, Play Advocate.

I’ve been a little MIA lately, and I want to honor my promise to be transparent with y’all.

This month I will catch you up on what I’ve been up to over the last 8+ weeks. There have been big shifts, major changes, incredible reflections, and gorgeous a-ha moments. We’ll walk through them all together.

SO… I left my in-person program.

After two years, I made the decision to leave the in-person program I co-founded in 2021. The process of arriving at this decision sheds light on two major truths.

1. I outgrew the space.

2. I had created something around everyone else’s wants and needs; leaving my own dream in the dust- dead last.

Let me unpack these a little for you.

I outgrew the space (and so did the cohort as a whole). The entire first year I avoided our indoor space like the plague. It was chaos- we were in a small house and sharing it between two cohorts, one significantly larger than the other. We only went inside when high winds blew, and extremely low temps were forecasted. To be completely honest, it was brutal. We had less than 200 square feet and made use of every inch - but ultimately it was not enough. Being mindful of our volume and super choosy about our activities greatly restricted our freedom to play. I knew that the indoors was not the enemy but duly noted that it should bring just as much joy and comfort as the outdoors.

In our second year, I intentionally organized the indoor space and made creative and fun use of all the nooks of the old house. Under cabinets became reading nooks with fairy lights and mirrors, dishwasher and fridge surfaces became felt boards and opportunities for magnetic play, and walls became galleries for children's work to be displayed.

It was a definite improvement but still not quite right. The space, both inside and out began to feel like an old pair of jeans I squeezed into, loved SO much but just no longer fit. It was time to let go. I had to stop white-knuckling my way through the day and exit survival mode. It was not serving anyone, not me, not my co-teachers, and especially not the children.

I left my own vision of the program I dreamt of in the dust. When I said goodbye to the program at the end of the year, I continued my seemingly endless search for a new program site, full throttle. I was searching near and far. Keeping everyone else's hope and dreams at the forefront of my decision-making. I heard myself say things like “It will be close for so and so … I can drive an extra 20 minutes…what’s another 40 minutes of driving if it means I’ll have guaranteed enrollment?”

I created a patchwork of excuses to validate making choices that did not suit ME. I realized after many months of searching that I had not even truly asked myself what I WANTED. I remembered the burnout cycle from driving far distances daily, and the unsatisfying feeling of grossly compromising on a program site to simply have a place to be, NOW.

I began to release the need to please everyone and really lean in and listen closely to what my personal vision for a program of my own would be. Since then, things have been crystal clear and space has opened up for me to truly visualize and create exactly what I have been dreaming of for the last 6 years. Not to mention, releasing all of that allowed me to have space to receive what I truly wanted!

TO BE CONTINUED….

Next week, I’ll pick up where we left off, sharing a bit more about my journey to building a program from the literal ground up.

Stay the course friends, and be true to yourself FIRST. Everything else will fall into alignment when you trust your voice, vision, and principles.

Hugs to you,

Ade

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